What we need right now is a cultural revolution.

hello, friends and enemies. I hope you don't mind I took the back way, through the yard.

2007-03-02T05:46:46Z

Something I need to let tumble from my chest.
I apologize. I apologize profusely, eagerly, and sincerely after intense deliberation over the course of many solemn, quiet evenings. I apologize to you--and you are anyone and everyone. You are my dearest friends, my past loves, my bitter rivals, my reconciled enemies, my active despisers, my casual acquaintances, my one-time love affairs, my dreamers, my criers, my dancers, my picnic companions.
There are hundreds of you, and each of you holds stock in the only thing that keeps me alive. I can think of about 20 this applies to in the most particular sense... and that's why for the half a dozen so who will read this, I really hope you will have the awkwardly footed willingness to spread the word to anyone you think I've ever shared molecules of oxygen with, because this is the end all the be all, the be all to end all, and everything in between as far as my relationships go. From here on, there are no more past relationships, no more past feelings, no more retaining or regaining or repining.
Enough with the speech. Here's how this game plan is going to go down:
I really, truly meant it when I apologized right now. And I mean for EVERYTHING. The stuff I did and we all know I did because it was all over the interwebs and that shit spread faster than warmed butter. I apologize for the stuff you suspect I did but have no proof that I did, which frustrates you because we both know I did it and goddamn it why can't I just admit it. I apologize for the stuff you have absolutely no idea I did, and who knows what would happen to us if you found out, and it kills me inside I did it but I'm likely to have to restrain myself from doing it again. And you and I both know that between the two of us, there are a lot of reasons to question who I am as a person. Don't feel bad about that--questioning myself as a person is pretty much my new bag.
With that apology, here's how it will work: If you cannot find it in your heart to accept my words and forgive me, this relationship is over. Not by my choice--it was simply doomed from the start and there's no use in dragging it out. I am not trying to be dramatic; several people have already chosen this path and I have fought tooth and nail for them to no avail. I still issue my apology to them, and lend even greater sorrow to their decision that I can never be truly reconciled.
If you forgive me, little is necessary--we go on. We are friends, we are lovers, we are likeminded mastersmiths. And from this day on, every word we exchange will be an affirmation that in all the ways I fell in your eyes, we persevered and I am born anew in the arms of friends.

So, that's it. You just wasted a moment of your life reading this, but it meant the damned world to me. I am so glad that I've properly and encompassingly apologized. A load off my chest. And if you give me a call and ask to hang out, or poke me on facebook, or IM me to tell me you thought of me, or even if you don't make any effort to talk to me at all but the moment I just happen to be there you jump at the chance to embrace... then every shitty what-the-hell-was-that bottom shelved incident between us in the past 4 years is done with, and we have a spotless relationship in which two lives rest truly at peace.

Years ago I invited you into my life and did you out of it. Which was very bad manners. I'll make it up to you by going through with it now as originally planned. So if you'll just keep your seats... that's all.

oh happiest of all good news days of ever.

2007-02-11T04:52:29Z

Obama '08, fellow grown-ups. Look alive.

What the hell IS this?

2007-01-31T02:40:22Z

Click here.
Take the quiz.
Post your results.
1) Does nonsense101 travel a lot? Yes
2) If queeny479 took over the world, who would be happy? Everyone
3) What is makeoutkid allergic to? Justin Timberlake
4) How would makeoutkid conquer the world? Some combination of alcohol and FBR bands
5) How tall is nonsense101? 5'7
6) Has oh_tall_one dyed their hair? No
7) What color should makeoutkid dye their hair? Purple
8) Does captain0bvious1 drink? Only wine with family
9) Has darkestlite been to your house/dorm? No
10) makeoutkid's eye color? Green
11) Where would deainperpetuum most like to visit? California
12) Is darkestlite 1337? Yes
13) Thoughts on missdirector? I miss her
14) Is appalachianmuse athletic? Not really
15) What is queeny479's favorite color? Green
16) Is captain0bvious1 friends with nonsense101? Sort of
17) If rebel_zel234 and wingsofrain were spliced together, what would be its name? Manny
18) What song/movie would you recommend to makeoutkid? "Undone (The Sweater Song) (Kitchen Tape Demo)"
19) What mental disorder does darkestlite remind you of? Several
20) If queeny479 commanded an army, who would be his/her followers? Everyone, Sarah'd make a great leader
21) What is darkestlite's favorite band/artist? Motion City Soundtrack
22) What is missdirector's favorite food? Indian food
23) Is missdirector introverted or extroverted? A bit of both.
24) makeoutkid's hair color? Brown
25) What is babaghannouge's favorite game? Being awesome?
26) Does makeoutkid know queeny479? Nope
27) What is captain0bvious1's favorite movie? Robin Hood, or anything with Jimmy Stewart
28) What rank would captain0bvious1 have in a giant robot army? Queen
29) Is makeoutkid related to darkestlite? No
30) Is rebel_zel234 in a relationship? I think so
31) Is captain0bvious1 a nerd? Not really
32) If nonsense101 took over the world, who would suffer? People who don't like art
33) If makeoutkid was a superhero, who would be his/her archnemesis? Pete Wentz
34) What planet should queeny479 be from? I like her being from this one

another bridge burnt

2007-01-29T01:58:10Z

this isn't over until I say it's over.

..and I say it's over.

what if we are all, afterall, destined for great things?

2007-01-27T11:27:25Z

We all want to be... want to be somebody...

2007-01-26T09:15:06Z

...right now, we're just looking for the exit.

<3

2007-01-18T01:53:22Z

Saranha77: everything is better when it's posted online

Haha.

2007-01-16T01:06:06Z

Guess what I watched today.

Let's take this all the way.

2007-01-08T23:48:26Z

Lately, I've been thinking about changing myself into everything I ever wanted to be.

Maybe this weekend.

2006-12-22T06:59:00Z

Fesitivity is the light that sees you through another year gone.

2006-12-20T08:25:31Z

You know, in spite of what it may be worth to some people, I really feel happy with the value of my life right now. Shit's goin' good. I feel like compared to a lot of my friends, I'm proving to be really a lot more successful than the bar seems to be set at. This may sound like bragging, but really, it's not that there's anything special about my current situation--I'm still juggling a credit card bill that's $70 more than my bank balance, I have more estranged relationships than most people have socks, and I'm really just an abrasively overemotional faux-bohemian emo kid going to college in hippietown and trying to find a personality that suits both his long hair and his love of late 20's-early 40's traditionalism. But so far I'm doing a damn good job of figuring out who that person is, and I have plenty of friends who don't seem too cold to the idea. Not to mention I have a beautiful girlfriend who has shown me what it really, truly is to have a companion, not just someone I get along with well enough to not mind spending money on in exchange for kissing. And most importantly, I am a man of forward momentum. I have ambitions and dreams and I am working my ass off to achieve them and I am reaping karma left and right like it were open season and permits were free. Jealousy has never been flung so far from my mind--I kiss the world and I am joyous at the thought of everyone rocketshipping and joining me for a glass of wine and a fresh ballet. I have places to go and things to do but I still have time to go for walks at night and read books about politics and art. I'm a goddamned coffee table and I love it. Tonight Andrea and I went to Christmas in the Park downtown and I just soaked in the vibe of a thousand people radiating warmth and love, and I know that even when I find myself in a vintage lacoste sweater holding a glass of wine and entertaining 60-year-olds this weekend, I will be glowing with that love. And it's a love I hold for my family, for my girlfriend, for the people I meet on the street, and most importantly, for you--my friends. I say thank you, but I don't know what for. I feel very self-contained right now, so it's cool--do what you do. Do your thing. We'll meet on top of this tower and compare notes, and have ourselves a damned fine Christmas.

xoxoxo,
Me

Trying to be anyone's everything.

2006-11-25T20:07:10Z

To boil it down: I don't know how to measure myself anymore. Should I find my self worth in those I have, or lose it in those I've lost?

Will anyone take this?

2006-11-14T07:55:39Z

Create your own friendquiz here

I'm really proud of Jon.

2006-11-02T08:08:54Z

I am.

Halloween is an awesome holiday at Santa Cruz.

2006-10-30T09:04:41Z

The apartment looks awesome... spiderwebs everywhere, my giant Amelie poster is dressed like a pirace (eyepatch fit her perfectly), and even the fountain is a spiderman-meets-George-Washington thing for Halloween. We carved our pumpkins today. I carved a Bayside pumpkin, and I think it turned out fairly well:

Max wanted to make an Operation Ivy pumpkin, but decided it as too hard, so I suggested he make a Alfred Hitchcock silhouette jack-o-lantern. He did, and it turned out great. Andrea started to make a Juliana Theory pumpkin, but it wasn't turning out that well, so she broke it apart and made us all delicious pumpkin pie and toasted pumpkin seeds. She's also making pumpkin ravioli soon! We decided that even though she's practically living at the apartment, her only chore can be baking things for us.
I miss you guys. Sorry I didn't see Miracle Worker like I promised--stuff came up and it was just a really bad time. I'll maybe stop by the school at lunch sometime, get my Nick Patton accusations and hugs and then take off. I miss Marley a lot. And Sarah. And... all of you, really. But whatever. It's a party over here.
Drop me a line sometime.

Since we last spoke, I've:

2006-10-20T22:51:59Z

1) burned a bridge I still stood upon
2) wrote three poems worthy of the dylan notebook
3) did two job interviews
4) installed seatbelts in my car because safety > bohemia
5) spent several hours in borders just to visit the books
6) skipped several classes because it was to sunny outside
7) ate a scone
8) watched POKEMON: THE FIRST MOVIE with a large (very coerced) group
9) tasted moonlight because it was there and so was I
10) looked at the ocean because it's always waiting for me to turn my head
11) drove to pomona just to go to a two-day festival, and got back in time for class
12) cleaned my apartment
13) lost my wallet
14) lost my keys
15) lost my concern for either

oh, and on another note? I just got my concert tickets for Warped Tour 2006 (which was on July 9th). someone owes me a lot of money wasted on buying from scalpers.

and on yet another note:
marley elizabeth teter should:
cut her hair short
accept a B in a class
picnic in the forest
see a movie at midnight
and listen to As Tall As Lions' new self-titled CD.

ciao.

So kiss me goodbye...

2006-10-11T22:12:29Z

Hahaha, USC's marching band doing a cover of Cobra Starship (who were really good live on monday, by the way)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2IZkwgXl8M

"For the occasion of..... you're pretty."

2006-09-29T19:45:45Z

Went and saw La Science des Rêves (The Science of Sleep) last night with some people at midnight for the Del Mar's premier. I think I really liked it. I WAS kind of delirious from sleepiness for a lot of it, and it kept switching back and forth between French and English and Spanish (Andrea pointed out that it was the first Trilingual movie she can recall seeing). All the same, it was really interesting. It was very, VERY Michel Gondry, with a lot of the film style really reminding me of what he did with Eternal Sunshine (without the Charlie Kaufman influence, obviously), and the stop-animation was cute and fun. Gael Bernal is adorable in it, and even the vulgar parts are really darling.
Stephane: **Shows her his homemade 3-D glasses** "You can see real life in 3-D!"
Stéphanie: "...Isn't life already in 3-D?"
Stephane: "Yeah... but.... come on."

I'd like to see it again when it isn't so late at night, because I think I looked at it as too much of a linear story the first time instead of a single artistic creation. So if anyone wants to go see it, lemme know and we will.

while painting signs so the freshmen won't get lost:

2006-09-13T05:27:35Z

100% inadvertent comment, then the sudden realization of its meaning:

"Hey Robby, are you gonna keep using the red sparkle paint for all the letters?"
"I dunno. Like, it's beautiful, but it won't spread."

[pause]

"Yeah. I have that problem a lot."

fantastic.

2006-09-10T18:59:44Z

My apartment is amazing. So are you.

my concentration:

2006-09-06T03:50:20Z

And so on in an eternal monotone that seemed to both of them infinitely charming, infinitely new.

yes.

2006-08-30T23:20:36Z

Then, just to show you how crazy I am, when we were coming out of this big clinch, I told her I loved her and all. It was a lie, of course,but the thing is, I MEANT it when I said it. I'm crazy. I swear to God I am.
"Oh darling, I love you too," she said. Then, right in the same breath, she said, "Promise me you'll let your hair grow. Crew cuts are getting corny. And your hair's so lovely."
Lovely my ass.

Lame.

2006-08-23T23:13:25Z

God damn it, Lucille. Why you gotta hate on me all the time?

in quiet regards to the mysterious absense of fireflies in the eastern air one warm august night .

2006-08-20T23:19:50Z

gingerly swallowing down a few more breaths of sharp appalachian oxygen, I discarded thoughts of how the ancient coaltown air tore into my pinebred lungs and instead focused my mind on the purpose behind this otherwise undesireable eastern evening:
the hundreds of fireflies that danced across the threshold of my memory and my dreams were said to make love with the invisible atoms of space in this lonely mountain region, and this alone seemed to give weary wings a cause for flight.
the soil beneath my feet softly crumbled another hundredth of an inch as my cheeks blushed another soft shade at the obtrusive sight of so much naked twilight. but still I watched the cooling summer breeze glide unembraced.
firefly, lightning bug, glowworm, lantern fly, fire beetle, lampyrid, noctiluca--clearly you and my thesauraus have been previously acquainted, but where are you now, in this humming august setting?
an hour's wait and all the implicit promises made by fragile mooncrazed suburban gypsies collapsed amid so many other abandoned fairytales.
now my thoughts turned to the excuses that could be offered for the absense of my west virginian floating miracles.
perhaps in a desperate plea for a more intensified poetic worth--
a sentiment I so easily sympathized with after so many nights of infuriated notepad scribbles--
all the fireflies in this town had agreed to use up all their heartbeats at once, live all the moments of their fading life in just a single brilliant spark that lit the coast and created the sensation of 6 billion people making love to the earth all at once.
a noble death, disappointed though I remain.

and now I am left to wonder, my clumsily assembled form wrapped around the bars of a deck chair... with all my makeshift chords and romantic declarations and heartstopping ramblings...

...is there any blazing spiritual height I would set myself on fire for?

ascention, away

2006-08-16T06:57:11Z

oh darlingheart,
this fragmented air falls apart so readily in your anticipated absense.
oh alwayslove,
these wings will not cling to winds so cruel.
oh morningsong,
my hands feel so frail.

oh spotless purpose,
..."almost" is indeed a word strangely assembled.