What we need right now is a cultural revolution.

..art destroys itself.

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1st-Mar-2007 09:27 pm - hello, friends and enemies. I hope you don't mind I took the back way, through the yard.

Something I need to let tumble from my chest.
I apologize. I apologize profusely, eagerly, and sincerely after intense deliberation over the course of many solemn, quiet evenings. I apologize to you--and you are anyone and everyone. You are my dearest friends, my past loves, my bitter rivals, my reconciled enemies, my active despisers, my casual acquaintances, my one-time love affairs, my dreamers, my criers, my dancers, my picnic companions.
There are hundreds of you, and each of you holds stock in the only thing that keeps me alive. I can think of about 20 this applies to in the most particular sense... and that's why for the half a dozen so who will read this, I really hope you will have the awkwardly footed willingness to spread the word to anyone you think I've ever shared molecules of oxygen with, because this is the end all the be all, the be all to end all, and everything in between as far as my relationships go. From here on, there are no more past relationships, no more past feelings, no more retaining or regaining or repining.
Enough with the speech. Here's how this game plan is going to go down:
I really, truly meant it when I apologized right now. And I mean for EVERYTHING. The stuff I did and we all know I did because it was all over the interwebs and that shit spread faster than warmed butter. I apologize for the stuff you suspect I did but have no proof that I did, which frustrates you because we both know I did it and goddamn it why can't I just admit it. I apologize for the stuff you have absolutely no idea I did, and who knows what would happen to us if you found out, and it kills me inside I did it but I'm likely to have to restrain myself from doing it again. And you and I both know that between the two of us, there are a lot of reasons to question who I am as a person. Don't feel bad about that--questioning myself as a person is pretty much my new bag.
With that apology, here's how it will work: If you cannot find it in your heart to accept my words and forgive me, this relationship is over. Not by my choice--it was simply doomed from the start and there's no use in dragging it out. I am not trying to be dramatic; several people have already chosen this path and I have fought tooth and nail for them to no avail. I still issue my apology to them, and lend even greater sorrow to their decision that I can never be truly reconciled.
If you forgive me, little is necessary--we go on. We are friends, we are lovers, we are likeminded mastersmiths. And from this day on, every word we exchange will be an affirmation that in all the ways I fell in your eyes, we persevered and I am born anew in the arms of friends.

So, that's it. You just wasted a moment of your life reading this, but it meant the damned world to me. I am so glad that I've properly and encompassingly apologized. A load off my chest. And if you give me a call and ask to hang out, or poke me on facebook, or IM me to tell me you thought of me, or even if you don't make any effort to talk to me at all but the moment I just happen to be there you jump at the chance to embrace... then every shitty what-the-hell-was-that bottom shelved incident between us in the past 4 years is done with, and we have a spotless relationship in which two lives rest truly at peace.

Years ago I invited you into my life and did you out of it. Which was very bad manners. I'll make it up to you by going through with it now as originally planned. So if you'll just keep your seats... that's all.